Struggles of an Amateur Pianist

March 2006

God in His wisdom has planned that we don't have many musicians in our church. We do have a very good organist who serves faithfully. When he can't be there, our pastor usually can get a substitute organist, a lady from Clarksville who plays beautifully. But if this lady can't come, Pastor calls me and asks if I will play the piano.

I am not a good pianist by any stretch of the imagination. I had piano lessons when I was growing up, but my talent was never more than mediocre. I have no inborn gift for reading music. It has always been hard labor for me. Similarly, I am not particularly good at reading time -- dotted notes, rests, and such. I struggle terribly with unfamiliar music! Sometimes I even photocopy music and use white-out to remove notes that confuse me.

When I have to play for a church service, I often have trouble with one or two of the hymns. I practice dilligently, but when it's time to play them in public, sometimes I do OK and sometimes I make mistakes. But whatever notes I hit, right or wrong, I play on, the congregation sings on, and soon enough we come to the end. 

Over time, I've had a couple of insights about playing for church. I have learned that several other ladies in our church play the piano a little. I would be happy to let any of them play in my stead, but no one else has ever volunteered. That must mean that they would rather endure my efforts than try it themselves.

More importantly, I realized a while back that nervousness is a self-centered emotion. The piano is part of the music, and the music is part of all the worship that is offered to God during the church service. Obsessing about my fears and imperfections is wrong; I should play the best I can, and God will bless the music. I try to keep that in mind.

Tonight I have to play for the Lenten service. Pastor called me yesterday afternoon and since then, I've been practicing. The hymns are "Jesus, Thy Boundless Love To Me" with the Vater Unser melody, "O Dearest Jesus", "There is a Green Hill Far Away", and "Go My Children With My Blessing".

In our hymnal, the first two hymns are one difficult minor chord after another, but I found easier arrangements in another hymnal. If I concentrate on reading the notes, I should do all right on them. The other two are easy enough. A short prelude, the four hymns, the offertory, and a short postlude, and I'll be done. Yes, I feel a little nervous, but I'll be OK.